It seems like everyone around me (friends, blogs, etc) are wanting to have a baby, pregnant or have a kid already.
I am FAR from that. I don't know if it's selfishness, immaturity or just plain lack of the motherly gene but I know that I don't want them. At least for now.
I am talking about not at all.
Which is very weird since I grew up Catholic and so did my husband and we are surrounded by families with kids and friends that want to have kids.
I am talking about not at all.
Which is very weird since I grew up Catholic and so did my husband and we are surrounded by families with kids and friends that want to have kids.
Sometimes I feel like that means I'm a bad person. Or that something is wrong with me.
Why don't I have these tendencies?
One of my best friends just had a beautiful baby boy and I adore him. I love him so much.
But I don't want a baby.
I will play with your baby. But then I will gladly give him back when he/she cries or needs a diaper change.
I really want to travel.
I want to see the world.
I want to drink and have fun.
All the time. And I don't want to worry about getting a babysitter or having my husband stay at home when I go out.
I am terrified of how my kids will turn out.
Kids these days. They can be very bratty, rude and just plain bad.
I creeped on my sisters' friend's instagram the other day and it had pictures of weed on there. Excuse me? Get it together!
My sisters are 7 years younger than me, and a lot of times I treat them like a parent would. Which they hate.
But what if my kids turn out terrible at life in general? They can't get a job, they have no friends, and they hate me?
That scares me to death.
My sisters are 7 years younger than me, and a lot of times I treat them like a parent would. Which they hate.
But what if my kids turn out terrible at life in general? They can't get a job, they have no friends, and they hate me?
That scares me to death.
And here's a problem (judge away): I like being the center of attention.
I know, I know. That's bad.
But I do. I like that my husband focuses on me. And not a child who needs constant attention.
One reason why I maybe should have a youngin': the relationship I have with my parents.
I love my parents so much and I love that I can tell them anything.
I can go to them for everything.
And as they get older it's the same for them.
Maybe I'm just not ready.
Maybe one day my mind will change.
But for now, I'm just 26, married and ready to party.
Is that so bad?
58 comments:
I think we (newlyweds) get a lot of slack for not immediately wanting to pop kids out. My hubbs and I are just now starting to have the itch. But we want to make sure we're ready. Keep doin' what you're doing and eventually you'll be ready!!! :)
Hi Helene! Great post! Don't worry you are still young and have loads of time to be having babies!! you should just live your life as it comes! One day it might just click, it could be next week, in 5 years or never and its ok! You dont have to have babies!! lol
I am totally with you on the whole wanting attention thing! If my bf has been on the computer for ages I will go over and annoy him so i get attention lol the worst of it is he knows that thats why I'm doing it!! Haha! he loves me for it ;)
Jen xxx
I seriously feel the exact same way!! We're young! It's okay to take time to travel and have fun without being tied down with a kiddo. Someone just this week started consoling me after I told her I didn't have any kids. I was like..lady. I'm completely happy the way things are right now. Stop acting like my dog died.
It's as if you stole my password and went into my Blogger account and took the post that I had written up that basically said the exact same thing!! Hahaha..
I've been nervous to post it because I didn't want to come off rude or offensive to others. So, I'm glad that you posted this & that I'm not alone.. because I feel the exact same way and I'm worried that I'll never get that baby itch..
I totally get it!! Some of my friends are starting to have kids and I don't want to lose touch with them but I also don't want to be a mommy yet. Its a weird feeling.... But ya just gotta do whats best for you!!
It is so much better to be honest with yourself, than to have a baby just because you think you should, not because you really want one. While kids are not a death sentence to all the things you mentioned, they will definitely change your life and priorities. If you're not ready...wait. You'll be a better mom someday because you did. :)
Thank you for writing this post because I feel the same way about children. I love them but I just don't have the desire to have my own kids. I'm 29 so I don't think I'll ever have the desire. People seem to think I'm insane when they ask when we're having children so it's refreshing to find someone else who feels the same!
-Sharon
The Tiny Heart
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Thank you, I am terrified of becoming pregnant. Like cold chills and naseau terrified. I want to travel, and have my glass of wine, and not be devoted to someone so tiny right now. I get a ton of crap from my boyfriends mother about not wanting to have kids till 30. Just cause she had one at 21 does not mean I have to! Good For you!!!! Great Post!
Girl, you are young and you still have all the youngin' stuff to do! You do what you feel is best for you, others can judge away.
I will say, though. I'm still the center of attention, kid or no kid. LOL.
Not bad at ALL, girlfriend!! I'm in your same shoes (although no hus-bunny at this time haha) and I'm far from being ready for kids. We need adequate drinking, dancing, and beyonce time before all that!
It's totally ok to not be ready. And to want to be the center of attention. And to want to have fun, travel, drink and have fun. Take it from me, I was wayyy to young when I had my kids...now I'm 32 and trying to catch up on all the travel/fun/drink I didn't do as a twenty-something!
You'll be ready when you're ready and you have plenty of time! Enjoy your no-kid time!
Do you, girl. I think it's ok to say you don't want kids right now. Or maybe don't want them ever. Totally fine. Too many people have babies because they feel like it will complete them, make their marriage stronger, or make their parents happy. Uh...no, girl. Not the way it should go. When it comes to not wanting kids, it's ok to be selfish. However, on the flip side....be prepared for it to not happen right away when/if you all of the sudden decide you want it. That might be happening to this one girl I know. That girl might be me. Infetility sucks a big fat you-know-what. Ha!!
I've got the fevaaaaaaa bad, this you know. But I also really see where you're coming from, not quite ready yet to devote your life to someone else instead of yourself. Glenn Coco and I talked finances and savings and all this kid stuff just this week, and out of nowhere I asked, "But what'll be my monthly 'fun stuff' budget aside from kiddie stuff?" THAT HAPPENED. And it's when I realized 2013 just ain't gonna be the year, and that's so fine with us :)
Plus, I like to party hardy!!!
Hey girl! I feel pretty much the same way as you do....I've only been married about 7 months but I struggle with whether I want kids...ever. Hubs and I are definitely on the same page with waiting at least five years to actually decide, but I just keep thinking....what if 5 years comes and goes and I am still not ready? I love what we have goin on...we both have good jobs, go on fun trips, have free time to go out with friends or just be lazy on the couch if that's what we want to do, etc. Is it selfish? Yes, but I think it's also responsible to know that once kids come into the picture, it is NOT about you anymore. It is all about them until AT LEAST they are 18 and maybe even into their 30's :) and yes I love my neices and nephews but I also love that they go home with their parents. And I totally agree about kids these days! So...I guess my point is to let you know I'm in the same boat.
We get asked all the time when we are going to have kids, but we are so far from it too!! And I am way to selfish at this point in life to have a child! I am with you on this one 100%
Love your honesty! I'm in the same boat as Alexa. I've got the fever and I've got it bad, but I think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your view! I actually think it's a good thing that you want to take time and be your own for a while - and if you decide you do want to have kids, then great, you'll be ready.
Babies are gross. And so loud, ugh! I say you do you. You've got puh-lenty of time. And you'll have all kinds of cool experiences that I never will and I will cry into my kids baby wipes.
I also worry that my spawn will be either 1) huge douches or 2) serial killers. I ask my mom on a regular basis how you keep your kid from being an asshole. I really don't want an asshole kid.
This by no means makes you a bad person! I feel the same and women should NOT be made to feel self-conscious about wanting to wait a bit and LIVE FOR THEMSELVES :)
Have a great weekend girl xo
Love the honesty! No judgment here. I totally agree, my husband and I were married for 5 years before we started to think we were ready to have kids. We went on all the trips that we wanted, etc, and had the time of our lives. I was 31 before we had kids, I don't think I would have wanted them any time before that!
Not bad at all. I'm 29 and I still kinda feel that way!
I love how honest this is! I eventually want kids but certainly not any time soon. I feel the same way though about the selfishness. I don't want to have my guy's attention on anyone else but me. Definitely no judgement here!
I got married when I was 22. I felt just like you. I didn't really feel like I wanted kids. I was just enjoying the time with my husband. Almost 18 years later, I still feel the same way. :)
I didn't want them either then I turned 30 and said well I have done everything possible that was legal maybe I should think about my loins being put to good use. Do it all now. Have fun. I did and don't regret it. And now I have a great kid and it's a different chapter.
I think one of the reasons I'm so drawn to your blog is because you remind me exactly of myself when I was 26. Fun, carefree, life of the party, center of attention, and loving every second of it. Not that I'm so much older at 31. Or wiser for that matter. But, its OK and normal to have those feelings. Enjoy this time with Pete. You're 26 for goodness sake. It's not a race. Travel, see the world, do things in Amsterdam that are only legal to do here in Colorado. Drink wine in Italy and a nice frothy pint of Guinness in Dublin. It's normal to have these feelings now, and usually, they do change over time. And if they don't, that's ok too. There are lots of ways to be fabulous and make a difference.
Baby free is the way to be!! It takes my sister like an hour just to go to target with her kid...imagine trying to board a plane.
When I was in my mid-20s we tried to have a baby and it didn't happen. If I'm honest, I think I was trying just because other friends of mine were having babies and it seemed like the next logical step. Eventually we decided we weren't going to do anything to prevent pregnancy, but we also weren't going to go through any fertility stuff either.
Cut to 20 years later. We don't have kids, and while I adore my nieces and nephews and my close friends' kids, I'm perfectly happy not being a parent. It's a scary thing to undertake, and too many people don't look past the "baby" stage.
I'm with ya girl. We're about to round out two years of marriage and everyone and I mean everyone keep sasking me when I"m going to have a baby. Sheesh I'm 25- back off people. I'm pretty sure all my southern in laws think somethings wrong with ym reporductive system- I mean why else wouldn't you want a kid? Ummm thats a huge ass responsiblity and today I just wanna worry about me mmmmkk? Love the honesty!
Dating someone in the military you're constantly surrounded by 3 things. Camo, babies, and pregnant women. At first I had baby fever. Like extreme baby fever and Nate probably should have dumped me and never talked to me again. But since I'm amazing and hilarious, he didn't. I'm over it and now I just want a dog... and for his deployment to be over so we can get a dog.
I had NEVER wanted kids. I mean, I had a ton of nephews and I was a high school teacher. I LOVED being able to give the kids back at the end of the day.
But then hubs and I got pregnant. And well, game over. And our daughter was the best thing to ever happen to us. And now we're pregnant again with #2. ;)
Some people view it a a selfish for not wanting kids, because you don't want to give up the life you have. But I don't see it as that at all. I didn't want kids because I didn't think I had a motherly bone in my body and because I didn't think I had it in me to be a mom.
I think it's actually selfLESS to realize you don't want kids. Lord knows there are too many people that DO have kids that shouldn't, knowwhatImean?
xo
I 100% feel your pain. We aren't even married yet and our parents are already pushing babies names on us. PUMP THE BREAKS PEOPLE. I still haven't outgrown dancing on elevated surfaces and buying expensive purses.
BOOM. Although your baby would have moves like Jagger and an amazing wig, ain't no rush for spawn. At 26, you're supposed to drink boxed wine and go to Mardi Gras. I'm pushing 30 now and still have no desire for le bebe.
Heleney you go on wit ya bad self! No babies= more trips to see each other so obvi I'm down for that plan! 2013 is gonna be the year of Sami and Heleney party time I just know it ;)
Girl, you're A-ok for feeling this way. You have plenty of time to pop out little Helene's...till then, just keep dancin' and taking your no-baby cocktail!
Happy Friday!
I'm with ya girl. We are coming up on our 2-year anniversary and sometimes I get the fever badddd and I get paranoid that I'm getting "too old" and should start poppin kids out NOW. But then I remember... Jared and I DO want to party it up still, have friends over until 2am, go on vacations, not worry about babysitters... oh and probably pay off student loan debt too haha!
We're still a couple years away from the kiddo train :)
I'm with ya! I think it's selfess that you REALIZE it's not for you.
Well said and I think it's a worthy topic for us to discuss in this day and age. I don't want children of my own and I have gotten the angriest, rudest responses from people when I tell them that. Children aren't for everyone and there are other things in life that can fulfill us. And it's not something to be ashamed of... it's something that is a choice every woman has to make for herself.
I was the exact same way .. I'm the oldest of my siblings and I have said ever since I was a teenager that I didn't want kids .. ever. I'm almost 30 now and just in the past year or so have decided that I REALLY do want kids ... one day. I get the baby fever every once in a while but my husband isn't on board yet (he's 28) so I have some time. All those fears are very scary to think about.
I say live your life for today and party it up. :)
right on girlfriend. if I wouldn't have had an oopsy when I was younger, I probably would have never been "ready" so I can relate. party on! :)
That is perfectly fine. I hate that when you get married the next thing everyone brings up is babies. You're ready when you're ready, who cares. Blah.
You are 100% right with every reason you gave about not wanting kids. It's tough. It's draining. It's expensive. BUT, it IS the MOST rewarding thing ever in life. You have plenty of time to decide. Have fun, live it up and be selfish. I bet a few years from now, you will have a little bump and be so excited about it. ;)
Thank you for such honesty.
When everyone around you is having babies or thinking about having babies all eyes really do turn to you and they wonder when you're going to jump on the bandwagon.
It's hard to be upfront and say you just aren't ready and maybe never will be. Nothing wrong with being selfish with your time and wanting to travel and party and be a childless twenty-something for now.
I'm 35 and still not feeling it. I wasn't that girl who was all I WANT TO BE A MOM! And I'm still not.
oh my goodness I love this. I totally agree. I want to travel, enjoy my wine and not clean up after anyone for another come years. Sorry to be selfish?
love this
xoxo
My sister is the same way. No one should feel bad for not wanting to settle that way. Children definitely complicate things.
I'm in the same boat as you! My BFF has a baby that I'm madly in love with. I'm 25, I love my wine, I love alone time with my husband, I'm selfish and I want to see the world. I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all!
i feel ya! it is good to want to just have time with your hubby, so much changes when people have kids so we are right there with you wanting to work, travel, and enjoy so that when the time comes to have kids, we are ready! XOXOXO
B and I were just discussing this in the car yesterday! I asked if he had the urge to have kids yet and he said no. And I feel exactly the same. I think it has something to do with us wanting to live abroad again.
Ok, first off your kids would be fantastic. You don't need to worry about that for a second.
I think it's totally fine to feel the way you do!
But just know...there is life after babies too :-) You just kinda have to adjust.
Girlfriend, there is no shame in not being ready. I'm 32 and just now ready. I decided to travel the world in my 20s (hello three trips to Europe, two cruises, too many US cities to count and a mission trip to Colombia), get my masters, build a house, and just enjoy my freedom. Now with my little one on the way, I'm ready to take some time to be at home and try a new chapter. Don't let anybody tell you you have to fit a certain mold--life is too much of an adventure for that!
www.texaslovely.com
Speaking as someone who has ALWAYS wanted to be a mom, that's your right. Just because I'm itching to pop out babies doesn't mean everyone has to. Do you. live your life. Play with other people's kids. and don't feel bad about it!
dude you're young!!! (sorry for calling you dude, but I feel like it gave it emphasis) haha you're not bad for feeling that way. it would be more selfish to have a kid just because you feel like you should have one. The big 3-0 is looming in on me in 6 months (yikes!! it's creepin closer) and I am still not ready for a kid. There's so much more I want to do...travel just a little more, buy a house and decorate, go out whenever I want, be lazy on Saturday mornings and at night when I come home from work. I worry aboutt he same things if my kids will like me,I also worry about health issues and hope i have a girl and a boy so i don't have to worry about not relating to boys (is that bad to say?) I don't think anyone can ever be "ready" but you can certainly be less selfish as to when you decide to try to have a kid....I also worry about having difficulty having a kid because I'll be "old" haha Have a great weekend!!
not at all! even though it didn't go as planned, and we had to wait longer than we wanted to, to get pregnant. I'm so glad we were married for this long before having kids. we were married for 5 years before we started trying and I'm so glad we had that time (plus extra two years) too! You won't ever get that back and should enjoy it!!
Amen sister! Will and I talked about this tonight. We aren't ready to devote our lives to kids. We are having FAR more fun without being tied down. Maybe down the road, but as of now? Hell no.
I feel the SAME WAY! My sister has a baby and the relationship I have with him cures my baby fever (in the off chance I catch it) for now. Its TERRIFYING to think of having kids. I see teenagers who have the BEST parents make so many poor choices. I think your relationship being so great with your parents is a good sign for the one you and your kids (someday not NOW :)) will have.
Same here girl - and look at me! I'm not even married... I'm a spinster at 32 and don't care :) I'm too selfish for kids - Life is good without kids :)
XO
Pearls & Paws
I it's perfectly normal to feel this way! S and I want children one day yet still have an over flowing bucket list of things to do before we're ready for a bambino! :)
You sound exactly like me when I was your age! Have fun girlfriend and enjoy life!
Brooke
Being an au pair was the best birth control of my entire life. The kids I took care of were spectacular, particularly little Liam, but after my 6 hour shift I was MORE than ready for me time. I can't imagine it being a 24/7 job, even though people say it's different with your own kid. I agree, I love traveling and having one too many drinks knowing good and well I can be in bed late the next day.
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